best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize