she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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