Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
