smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
