yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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