Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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