Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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