His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize