just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't been this sober since birth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is classic penis vs brain.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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