Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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