like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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