you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
