What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
