Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
