God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He passed out mid-signature
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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