You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
