I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
