you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
