What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
