So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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