i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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