Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
