8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
