oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
