It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
