the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
