It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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