Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.

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(509): View more from Washington

my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?

Fav 8 4357 1004
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(818): View more from California

I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.

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(936): View more from Texas

Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

Fav 38 2427 10387
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(310): View more from California

Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12

Fav 3 1679 736
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.

Fav 3 1445 721
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(208): View more from Idaho

Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing

Fav 7 606 1089
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(239): View more from Florida

I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.

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(818): View more from California

I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?

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