i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
