So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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