I just made out with a guy for $7.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
