Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
