Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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