By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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