i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
