So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
