Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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