p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
