I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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