Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
