What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize