holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
