I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just high enough for therapy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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