And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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