Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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