im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
