So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
