yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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