Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize