Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
