y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
