i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Someone came in the potted fern
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize