while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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