Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
