i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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