Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
