She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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