I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
