..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
