Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
