This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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