the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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