More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
