She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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