Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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