I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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